Every now and then, you can find a deal on Facebook Marketplace. I bought a 1984 735 for $1,500 once, taking a risk that the entire valve train was destroyed or it needed a major valve adjustment. I scored on that purchase.
Today was not that day. Now, with two Alfas in the garage and all the good Alfa repair people at least an hour or two away, picking up a cosmetically rough but sound Spider that I could use to hone my wrenching skills might be a good idea.
In theory, why not?
Perusing the Facebook Marketplace revealed a couple of pretty rough cars. Still, there was one that caught my eye because it was Stellar Blue, and I’ve always loved that color on a Spider. According to the listing, the guy had “$9,000 worth of receipts,” and the top end had just been redone. It’s not an out-of-line thing on an Alfa with 105,000 miles.
“Got a clean title?” Oh yeah, came the reply. This fellow sounded like a nice guy but didn’t seem to be knowledgeable about Alfas. He even offered to drive it out for me to look at it. Strange dude stopping by my house to sell a car and I’ve got cash. What could go wrong?
Fortunately, my neighbor Bob (who happens to be an ex-Marine sargent) offers to come over and have a sip of whisky in the garage before mystery Alfa dude drops by.
It was rough, alright. Yikes.
My first question is always, why are you selling? “Oh, I just don’t need another car – I’ve got a Harley.” (but his Harley was up on Marketplace for sale, too…) Then, the next question; how long have you owned the car? “Oh, a month or two, I don’t know.” Defaulting to ‘I don’t need the car’ again.
I take the car for a quick drive around the block while Bob and he chat. We all know Alfas have a bit of cowl shake. They are not Boxsters or even Miatas in that respect, but this one was wobbling all over. Tach is not working – everything is sloppy. Further visual inspection shows every panel has major dings and dents. Even with the good guy price, I’m sure Kevin would have charged me $2,500 to remove the dents. At that point, I was still a little intrigued to see if the seller would come down significantly on the price. After all, I wanted to learn how to adjust valves and perform standard maintenance – even learn how to change a guibo on one of these.
Always looking for the positive, it did shift to and from 2nd gear like butter, which surprised me.
However, this car had been resprayed poorly. Lifting the hood reveals where it had been hit in the front – hard. Granted, the head had been off recently (i.e. tidy, non leaking) and there was a fresh water pump, but the paint sticker listed the original color as Artic White. Hmmm.
When I started pointing out all the problems the car had (as politely as I could), I felt like I was on the Pakled ship in the episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, where the dum-dum guys kidnap Jordy, saying, “Jordy makes our ship go.” He honestly thought he had a great car here. I suggested he get rid of this thing as fast as possible for whatever he could get. Someone on a salvage mission could still use the engine, transmission and some other parts. This was not the car for me.
Random rust under the hood suggests this car spent a fair amount of time at the Oregon coast, where salt water gets to everything, leaving a distinct signature, almost like a growth resembling leprosy. #askmehowiknow.
At this point, I tell him there is just no way I can take the car off his hands, and his female friend in the car is looking pretty cranky pants at this point. Then, when I asked him what he paid for the car, he mumbles, “4,200. I thought this one was gonna be a real money maker.” I tell him to avoid serious potholes and speed bumps, as I was afraid that rear suspension was going to come undone sooner rather than later.
To maintain car karma, I gave him $200 for making a 90-minute drive and sent him on his way. He left dumbfounded that this car wasn’t awesome.
Laughing it off with Bob as they drove off, I was relieved that this wasn’t going to be one of those “experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want” moments. I really dodged a bullet. It’s always sad to see cars devolve to this point. After being fortunate enough to have two Alfas that were really loved, it was clear this car was not. From the way the paint and the finish on the wheels looked, I doubt it was ever even in a garage.
Then I ran the Carfax. Sure enough – branded title and major accident damage 15 years ago.
So, it’s back to Bring a Trailer for this guy or a local club car. Perhaps a nice 86 graduate with faded paint but a lot of love everywhere else?
Be careful, check everything. As sexy as Alfas are, don’t let your guard down. Always looking for another, indeed.
Hello and welcome to Heel and Toe.
